


Breathe

by violetchachkii



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 18:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetchachkii/pseuds/violetchachkii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kendall doesn't care if James loves him, he lost the girl he loved and that's enough for him. He turns to something else but his best friend to heal the hurt left behind. Written December 1st, 2011</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

_"May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss_

_"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,_

_"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."_

_Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,_

_But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,_

_Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it." – Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick_

*

The waves from the Pacific Ocean lapped at the semi-crowded beach. Little kids ran around in the sand, watching as their sand castles were destroyed by the water. It was a beautiful day, beyond beautiful. That's why Kendall stood on the deck of the beach house Gustavo had let the boys get a break in as a gift for an awesome second tour. The sun beat down on him as he stood there in the fancy robe he'd found, a plastic water bottle half-full with champagne in his hand. He took a long swig of the drink, his second of the day, his mind on the brink of getting that numb feeling he was beginning to love more than anything else.

He watched as Logan and Carlos stood in the water. They said they were going to go swim earlier after breakfast, though all they were doing was making out Justin and Selena style. They weren't getting looks from the other beach goers. It seemed like everything was perfect, no bigoted freaks gawking at them. Just seeing them looking so happy made a soft smile grace Kendall's lips, though his mind was somewhere else.

He kept thinking about the end of the last tour they'd had. He was still with Jo back then, even if it was a bit rocky at the beginning. But she left him for New Zealand. He hadn't thought about that consciously until now, but his subconscious was going crazy over it, especially in his dreams. He dreamt about her and nothing got those thoughts to go away. He shook his head and took a long drink. Well, not nothing.

He remembered the first night he didn't dream about her on the tour. It was after the second show in California. He had gone into his dressing room after the show and found a gift basket there. Inside was a bottle of champagne, almost like they forgot he was underage. He remembered grabbing it and taking a long drink. It burned going down his throat, making him gag a bit. But that didn't stop him; he kept taking long drinks until he'd finished the entire bottle, numbness clouding his mind.

Later that night he'd gone into the tour bus, but was too awake to sleep. He could hear the faint sound of James' TV going and climbed into his tiny bunk. It was a bit crowded and they had to talk in dull whispers. James was too psyched to sleep, the adrenaline keeping him up. Kendall didn't talk about drinking and just agreed with him. He was so drunk that he remembered leaning in and kissing James when his lips looked particularly subtle in the dim lighting. They shared small, minuet kisses until Kendall ended up falling asleep.

They continued that for the rest of the tour, small pecks on the lips turning into writhing bodies and hot sweat as they got each other off. Even when they didn't need to hide it because Carlos and Logan were out, they did. They weren't together, definitely not. Kendall wasn't ready for anything serious. Besides, he was always too drunk to remember some of the moments in the morning.

It was halfway through the tour when James discovered Kendall's stash of champagne and wine coolers. That led to a long, harsh fight involving James yelling about how Kendall was just like his dad, and was going to pickle his liver and die like he did. That hit Kendall particularly hard making him get particularly drunk that night. After it though, he promised that he'd sober up for James, though he never did.

Before they knew it, the tour was over and Gustavo was telling them he rented out a beach house for them. So there they were, Carlos and Logan spending everyday being the romantic, honeymoon-stage couple they were, James doing God knows what, and Kendall pretending he wasn't drinking himself into oblivion. Like at that exact moment.

Kendall got out of his daydream and finished off his bottle. The effects of the alcohol were starting to sink in. He leaned against the bars of the deck, closing his eyes so the sun would stop blinding him. He heard the faint sound of his name being called. It was James, of course. He set the empty bottle down and walked into the house.

James looked flawless, like always. Beautiful. The way the sun was shining in through the glassy windows and see-through curtains made him look like an angel in Kendall's drunken haze. He wore a fluffy white robe, the one he'd brought since he was too much of a diva to use the ones the house gave them. His shoulder was peeking out from under it and Kendall just wanted to kiss the lightly tanned, smooth skin of it. But James was talking before he could get over there to start ravishing the gorgeous boy.

"What do you think?" James asked, opening the robe, exposing what he wore under it. It was just one of those small, speedo bathing suits that hugged everything perfectly. Kendall put his hand to his mouth to check it he was drooling. The sandy-haired boy looked perfect, the hazy sun making him look like he was shining.

"You look beautiful," Kendall said honestly, the slur in his voice barely recognizable. He stepped forward to the other boy. He pulled him closer to him by his waist, James smiling and rolling his eyes as he did so.

James wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck, and smiled softly, blushing a bit, "Thank you, baby," he mumbled. He leaned in and kissed him gently. The kiss was almost urgent as it got further, their lips moving together like they belonged there. Kendall pulled him closer so their bodies were flushed together. But suddenly, James pulled away. "You taste like champagne," he mumbled, sadly.

"I had a small glass," Kendall lied, trying to get James to kiss him again. But the other boy turned his head, making him get his cheek. He rested his forehead against his cheek, "I promise you, I'm going to quit. I can have a little bit every once in a while."

James turned his head again so their foreheads were pressed together. He had no idea why he was giving in, but he'd always give in for Kendall. Even if he was a sloppy, shit-faced drunk he'd still love him and believe his lies. "Fine…but no more, okay?"

Kendall nodded though he knew he was lying through his teeth. He just wanted James so badly that he'd say and do anything to make that happen. He was allowed to kiss him again. Their kisses turned back into their usual passionate caresses.

They were on the bed in the room in almost no time, all moving limbs and hot kisses everywhere. The robes they wore and small amounts of clothes were shed and they moved together like one. Soon enough, Kendall was buried inside of James, his mind completely engulfed in the pleasure he felt. Drunk sex was always the best.

It didn't take long for Kendall to come, something James was familiar with when he was drunk, though he didn't mention it. It took a little bit longer for him to lose himself. He pretended that Kendall didn't look bored, thrusting into him. But he did get off, eventually.

They laid there, James wrapped up in Kendall's arms. He was feeling especially tired, the lazy afternoon air to blame for that. He kissed Kendall's neck and mumbled that he was going to sleep. Kendall promised to stay there with him. Finally James drifted off. Kendall stared at the ceiling, noticing the alcohol's effects waning. He looked down at the sleeping beauty beside him. He wouldn't notice if he got up to get a drink, would he? He sighed and shimmied out of the bed.

Kendall disappeared onto the deck where his secret stash was. James stirred and awoke, looking out through tired, angry eyes from being awakened. He saw Kendall come out from the deck, a wine cooler in his hand. He almost said something but decided to fake sleep while he watched the other boy pop open the bottle and take a shamelessly long drink. James felt like he might cry and buried his face in the pillow, feeling tears wet his cheeks while he forced himself to fall back into a restless sleep.


End file.
